VALIDATION

"Maybe that is you, Frankie. Perhaps it is through your astute observation and your art that you can help create change.”

I gaze into the water, watching the moonlight playfully reflect on the surface as a small motorboat slowly passes in front of us. I know she has a point, but I can feel myself starting to become discouraged as my self-doubt creeps in. How could I possibly make a difference?

~HIGH WATER

by Patty Flores Reinhart

It rained all day yesterday. And while I sincerely do welcome the precipitation (We need it so desperately in California), I also struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder, which leaves me feeling blue and emotionally sensitive. That, combined with the firehose of awfulness on a daily basis reported about this horrible political administration, makes me feel that I simply cannot take anymore. It's during these times that I feel particularly alone. It's an awful feeling that is exacerbated by the fact that two more of my close friends have recently moved out of the area. Over the past two decades, I have had friends move out of state, and it is during these emotionally vulnerable moments that I begin catastrophizing, and think, "Oh, my gawwwd! I am going to completely die ALONE." (Yeah, I know. I totally go there) And while I have many good friends that I could call, I don't do it 'cuz I feel silly. I mean, what do I really have to complain about?

I always wonder how effective those messages are that are given at the beginning or end of any TV show, podcast, etc. that speaks of mental distress, offering some hotline to call if you need help. When you are experiencing that kind of emotional low, the last thing you feel able to do is "reach out" for help. If you were at all capable of doing that, you wouldn't feel so isolated in the first place.

In any case, I "muscled through" the day, but on my entire drive to rehearsal I was on the verge of tears and wanted nothing more than a friend's shoulder to cry on. Several times, I thought of simply turning around and going home. What is the point of my being there? But I kept my foot on that gas pedal, while listening to a podcast on, guess what? Seasonal Affective Disorder! In an episode called, Living in a Winter Bummerland.

Okay - so I'm not the only one.

And then, a little miracle happened. One of the cast members (A very sweet young man), approached me and thanked me for helping him with his posture and alignment. He explained how he had taken my little "lesson" to heart and was trying to implement it. He asked me to point out to him whenever I observed him "slipping" in his practice. I thought, "Oh, wow. Well, I guess one person got something out of that." (To be fair, I witnessed other actors who had also implemented the notes I had previously given them, and that was very nice to see)

Then, towards the end of rehearsal, Kristin, our Dance Captain and Dialect Coach, said to me, "I'm so glad you're here. You're so perfectly situated to help out with this kind of stuff. I'm glad that we can do this together."

(Sigh) Thank you.