TRAIL RULES

After yesterday's awe-catching contribution to my Jar of Goodness involved another observation of nature, I was beginning to wonder when I would switch from the natural world to the messiness of human interactions and relationships. Well, once again, it was like the universe read my mind and said, "Here ya go!" and BOOM, it happened this morning.

I do not want to write this story and even though it has been living inside me for almost SIX years, I never planned to tell it out loud. And I really don't want to post it for all the world to see because it does not show me in a very positive light. I am not proud of how I come off in this tale. But another little miracle occurred on my morning run while listening to the Oprah podcast through my earbuds. She was interviewing Adam Grant about his latest book, "Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things," and she said this - "There's not enough attention paid to the distance we've traveled. Look at how far you've come. I think about it all the time. I literally have come from rural Mississippi to Montecito. I look in my own backyard every day and I am in awe, in amazement at what I've been able to achieve, what I've been able to accomplish, the blessings I've received, the steps that I had to take to get there." It's like mama Oprah was saying these things just for me. Ugggh. Fine! So, in the spirit of authenticity and honest art, which at its best can be a mirror of our humanity with all of its triumphs and foibles, here goes.

Feeling awe-struck by nature is easy because the natural world is inherently awesome. Even when nature appears to be destructive, nature is completely innocent. It is not destructive on purpose or through some evil intent. Nature always strives for homeostasis and what appears as "destructive" forces is simply nature's attempt at balance. The problems occur when human arrogance tries to interfere with that balance by thinking that we can conquer and tame nature. But unlike the natural world, human relationships can be fraught with ill intent and miscommunications, often resulting in painful interactions. Maybe that's why we have art. It's humanity's way of reminding and reflecting back to ourselves our inherent goodness.

Five and a half years ago when the entire planet was under some version of lockdown and isolation, I felt so fortunate that my immediate family was in a home with plenty of room for the three of us to avoid being on top of one another, in each other's hair, while trying to attend college classes online, work from home, and write a novel. As opposed to all the people who had to endure lockdown inside small apartments, in overcrowded cities, without access to outdoor spaces, and dealing with inclement weather, we at least had a backyard to hang out in and lots of places to go for walks, ride bicycles, hike, etc.

After the first three weeks when it became obvious that the crisis was not ending anytime soon, around our neighborhood, people began venturing out on walks, oftentimes masked up and crossing the street or stepping off to the side of the creek trail to maintain the recommended six foot distance. For the most part, people were pretty courteous, and even with the masks, you could tell that people were smiling as they nodded in your direction or gave a little wave as you passed each other. Until one morning.

I think it's safe to say that we all collectively LOST OUR MINDS during those first few months of the pandemic. I'm not even going to get into all the crazy politics of it all, but the fear and distrust that was developing began to feel like a thick fog everywhere I went. I remember saying to a friend, "I hate how everyone turns away from each other now when you pass them on the street/trail. Even though we're outside in the fresh air and we have masks on, we don't make eye contact anymore, but turn away from other humans as if eye contact is how this virus is spread. It feels awful!"

I know I was getting very depressed during this time and on one particular morning, while out for a run, I was in no mood for anymore bullshit. I had had it!

I was jogging and ahead of me I saw a couple (1) walking in the same direction as me. Heading in the opposite direction towards us was another couple (2). Now, although the Trail Rules signs do not specify that walking pedestrians yield to running pedestrians, most people have the common sense and good manners to move out of the way and allow the runner to pass. So, as I was getting ready to pass the couple (1) on my right, who were moving slightly over to the side, the couple (2) approaching us continued walking straight ahead toward me without any indication that they were going to let me through. It was like we were getting ready to play a game of "Chicken." Just as I narrowly passed in between both couples, the man in couple (2) shoots out his arms full length and shouts, "Six feet apart!" This immediately forced me to stumble completely off of the trail, into the dirt, rocks, and gravel almost causing me to twist my ankle. I couldn't believe it. And to make matters worse, just as I was avoiding a faceplant all over the asphalt, I heard his wife giggle. I wanted to punch someone! That stupid woman! What the hell was she giggling about?! Was it out of embarrassment that her asshole husband practically pushed me off of the trail? Or did she actually think what he did was funny? I have no idea what the hell she was thinking, but it infuriated me! At that moment she embodied all the stereotypical negative traits of a simpering female too much of a coward to correct bad behavior and thus, setting back feminism and women's progress by 200 years! I hated that couple!

That happened sometime in the late spring/early summer of 2020. From that day forward, every time I encountered that couple (2) on the trail I would hurl silent, telepathic, curses and condemnations their way. In my mind I called them every horrible word you could possibly think of. I wished them ill and hoped that nothing but terrible things would happen to them. To me they were a two-headed Demogorgon that must to be destroyed! (Sorry, I just finished watching the final finale of Stranger Things. Oh, my gawwwd. That series dragged on for sooo long, the actors who started out as kids are now practically grandparents! Side note: In contrast to the funny and ironic fashion of The End Continues and Never Stop Never Stopping, I predict that there will be a Stranger Things film at some point, or at least some kind of spinoff because Hollywood is ridiculously unimaginative and redundant. But I digress. . . )

This silent, vindictive vitriol of mine continued. Since I run/walk on the same trail almost every day, I see the same people all the time. We pass each other with a smile, nod, or a wave. But not with that couple (2)! And in my defense - they didn't make any attempt with me either. They never smiled, waved, or APOLOGIZED. Nothing. That is, until about three months ago. I was out for my usual run when I saw the man walking towards me. No giggling wife, just the dude, whom I hated more than the wife anyway. At this point, I must admit I was getting tired of hurling my silent curses his way. I no longer cared all that much and it was becoming tedious and boring. So, as we passed each other I made eye contact with him and he nodded in my direction. To which I responded with a small wave. That was it. We have been acknowledging each other with a small gesture of greeting ever since. And this morning it happened again, which I took as a sign that I need to add this to my Jar of Goodness.

I am allowed to be a work in progress.