MY REASON FOR HOPE

On Friday, June 10, 2022, my son graduated from UC Santa Cruz with honors and a BA in Environmental Studies/Economics. That morning I ironed his robe and stole to make sure he looked his best as he crossed that stage, culminating four years of diligence and perseverance, which included one and a half years of Covid-19 pandemic hell. Despite the isolation, separation from his friends, and the inability to experience normal college life for that year and a half, he managed to maintain focus and top grades. I am so proud of him for surviving lock-down with as much resilience as he did. I know I would not have faired so well if I had been in his shoes.

I hung his robe and stole up while we all finished getting ready to hop in the car to make the trek over Highway 17 across the Santa Cruz Mountains. As I looked at his robe, I felt my throat constrict and experienced one of those quintessential “mom” moments.

Four years ago, this coming fall, my husband and I dropped our son off at his dorm at Porter College on the UC Santa Cruz campus. As I was saying my goodbyes and giving him one last hug, I reminded my son that I had left a gift for him in his dorm room. The following letter was included with the package.

September 22, 2018 My Dearest Aaron, Here you are, in your new home, about to begin some of the most impressionable and memorable years of your life. If I can provide you with any words of wisdom, it would be to remind you to go easy on yourself because, although you are now lawfully considered an adult, fear not! Daddy and I will always be here for you whenever you need us. Always and all ways. Remember that at 18 you are still a teenager, after all. And it's okay to feel like you're not ready for all this "adult stuff." That's why college will be such an extraordinary experience. These are the years you get to find out who you are and what kind of life you desire. And even then, you may get to your college graduation and still feel that you're unsure about it all. And that will be totally OKAY. Life is about the journey. And as long as you wake up each morning, that means you get another chance at life. Every day is a fresh start, and the most important thing you can do for yourself is to be kind and forgiving of YOURSELF. You will make mistakes. Everyone does. Allow yourself to be okay with that. You are a human being, not a human doing.

Daddy and I are so proud of you, not only for how hard you have worked to accomplish so much these past few years to get where you are now, but most importantly because you are a GOOD person. You are kind, compassionate, empathetic, and funny. The fact that you are also incredibly intelligent is just the cherry on top. But understand that you may not achieve the grades you were used to getting in high school, and that is also very much okay. More than anything, college is about exploring subjects and interests to find out what really makes you tick and excited about learning, and thus, excited about life.

Understand that uncertainty, longing, loneliness, self-doubt, despair, fear, heartbreak, confusion, AND ecstasy, are all part of the human condition, and it is through experiencing that gamut of human emotions that some of the greatest art in the world has been created. Without the human desire to understand ourselves, the world around us, and our place in it, humans would never have invented art, literature, music, theatre, film, and technology. So don't be afraid to allow yourself to feel your emotions because the ecstasy is achieved directly out of our ability to deal with and overcome our hardships and struggles. I have discovered, during my own rough times, that one of the best ways to help myself out of a blue mood is to extend a kindness toward someone else. And I know you've heard me harp on about Social Media, but keep in mind that life is pretty much a series of "bloopers" and what people post on Social Media is only their "greatest hits." So, it does no one any good to compare their insides to others' "fabricated" outsides.

Your greatest gift and source of guidance is always your own intuition and gut feeling. Daddy and I have guided you thus far and will continue to always be here for you whenever you need us, but now you get to use your own experiences and knowledge to make your own choices and decisions. Everything from what classes you'd like to take and the major you choose, your political opinions, what you think and how you feel about spirituality/religion, to what careers you pursue and who you will eventually marry, or whether you want to get married at all. Hopefully, we have provided you with a solid enough foundation, and despite the fact that we were not perfect as parents, you still managed to turn out really AWESOME! And that's just because you were awesome from the day you were born. We had nothing to do with that. That's just a GOD thing, and I thank God every day that I got the distinct privilege of being your mom.

The best way to access your intuition is to give yourself the gift of quiet time in order to be able to hear that inner wisdom. So often, people keep themselves way too busy in order to avoid being with themselves, their thoughts, and feelings. But I can tell you from personal experience, that giving yourself at least 30 minutes (once a day is ideal, but even just once a week) of unplugged, undistracted, peaceful quiet can do wonders for your mental health. Plus, it is through those quiet moments of introspection that our imaginations can let loose. And we need our imaginations to soar in order to help us create. . . anything. Throughout history, all the greatest inventions came about because someone's imagination was allowed to run free.

I wish for you so many fascinating experiences. I hope you meet amazing people who will turn out to be some of your closest, and perhaps, lifelong friends. I hope you discover subjects and classes that blow your mind. Most importantly, I wish for you moments of such fun that your stomach hurts from laughing so much.

And so, my dear sweet, beautiful boy, be brave, be curious, be adventurous and playful, be a seeker of truth and joy. And always know how much and how deeply you are loved by so many people! I love you always and all ways, Mom P.S. Open doors for girls, women, the elderly, your buddies and allow them to enter first. It's a wonderful gentlemanly quality. Just sayin'.