PUBLISHING A BOOK DURING A PANDEMIC

WRITING AS THERAPY

I spent two years conducting research on an idea for a novel I had been kicking around for, what seems like, ages. In January 2020, I was finally ready to sit down and start writing. Then, Covid-19 hit, and in March 2020, the world came to a stop.

Like so many of us, I felt completely lost and rudderless once we were all mandated to quarantine and be confined to our homes. I was filled with anxiety and fear about what this virus had in store for us. I could not even concentrate enough to read a book (usually a favorite pastime of mine), much less possess the calm frame of mind needed in order to continue creating a story from my imagination. Finally, in April 2020, I told myself to get back in that chair and start writing again.

Then, George Floyd was murdered and what started out as a light-hearted coming-of-age story became much deeper, confronting so many issues that had always been important to me and now were bursting to come forth through my book.

It is not hyperbolic to say that writing HIGH WATER literally saved my life during that tumultuous first year of the pandemic. It gave me an outlet for all the emotions I was having about the state of our country and the world. The protagonist is loosely based on my twenty-three year old self, and HIGH WATER is the type of book I wished I had read when I was that age.

I considered self-publishing because I had an urgency to get my book out quickly, and since I didn't even have a literary agent, I had no idea how long it would take to get someone from the publishing world to take a look at my manuscript. When I discovered that 90% of the works of fiction that are published by traditional publishing houses were primarily written by white authors, I decided that I did not want to toss my labor of love into that unfair and unequal arena. With the help of a wonderful independent publisher, who was highly recommended by a friend, I published HIGH WATER in January 2021, exactly one year from when I began writing it.

Publishing a book during a pandemic proved to be challenging because we were still tightly restricted as far as gatherings were concerned, so there were no opportunities for book launches with crowds or in-person book signings. After the initial fervor (mostly from close friends and family) died down, I was left with the deafening sound of crickets. I did as much self-promotion as I could and garnered the attention of the San Jose Public Library and the San Jose Mercury News, but it still often felt like I was operating inside a vacuum. Nevertheless, I continued to believe that my book had a powerful message and trusted that somehow it would eventually find its audience.

I believe that when you follow your passions and allow yourself to get carried by that flow, life will take you where you need to go. And that is how one of my great passions (performing) collaborated with another passion (writing) in a delightfully surprising way. In March I was performing in a production of the musical "Cabaret" in Morgan Hill, CA, and several of the ladies in the cast not only took an interest in my book, but they bought it, read it, and best of all - they loved it! Just a few weeks ago they formed the first ever HIGH WATER book club meeting, hosted at the home of the talented actor who played our Sally Bowles. Another lovely actor who played the role of Fraulein Kost, recently introduced me to the owner of the local independent bookstore, BookSmart, in Morgan Hill, and now I have a date set for June 4, 2022 for my first book signing event!

"Cabaret" was in the middle of rehearsals back in March 2020, when the lock-down mandate was issued and the production was put on hold for two full years. In the spring of 2021, when the producers of "Cabaret" reached out and asked the cast members if we were both willing and available to continue with it, I had not yet been cast in "Men On Boats," and eagerly responded, "Yes!" As it turned out, I was still in performances for "Men On Boats" when "Cabaret" rehearsals began. Despite my original enthusiasm for continuing with "Cabaret," I ended up having a lot of misgivings and strongly questioned my decision because performing in one show while rehearsing another is basically INSANE. I've known quite a few actors who often work this way, but I purposely do not because I know it would be too much for me. I like having some breathing space between projects. However, the main reason why I was questioning my participation in "Cabaret" was because it had been a long time since I was in a production with a quintessential "community theatre" and the stark contrast between the professionalism of my "Men On Boats" production and my experience with "Cabaret," couldn't have been more striking at the time.

The end result of "Cabaret" was a competent production, and judging by the audiences' reaction it was well received. Nevertheless, I must admit that throughout the entire experience, I struggled greatly with my feelings of frustration at the lack of consistency. At the beginning of each performance I never knew what train wreck was going to occur and consequently, I could never completely relax and simply enjoy myself, trusting that we would have a solid, clean performance each night.

However, the one consolation throughout the experience was that at least I was in the company of a lot of very nice people who were all extremely earnest, working really hard, and doing their absolute best. I appreciated their warmth and humor and felt like I made some wonderful connections. The entire situation illustrated an important life lesson, one which I have experienced several times throughout my life. I guess I still needed to learn it. Life works when you simply let go of the oars and allow the river to guide you. (Incidentally, this was a sentiment echoed by John Wesley Powell, a character in "Men On Boats.")

April 16, 2022