IT COULD TURN BACK THE CLOCK ON #MeToo

“I talked to lawyers who consult with accusers who are considering coming forward with their accounts of abuse. Even potentially through Op-Eds like Amber Heard did. And the fear that I’m hearing from them is that they’ll see how Depp V. Heard played out, and they’ll think to themselves, ‘Why should I come forward with a claim that could possibly result in me being sued, spending years defending a lawsuit in which I spent a whole lot of money on legal fees, and in the end I might lose and have to pay the person I accused of misconduct a lot of money?’ And so this fear is particularly heightened around this case because you have a situation where they saw this as a case that was very unlikely for Johnny Depp to win. . . Ultimately, these lawyers thought that there was no way a jury could find, unanimously, that the statements at issue in this Op-Ed were defamatory. But they did. And we have to remember that one of the original purposes of the #MeToo movement was to create a space for women to come forward and not be fearful that their lives will be destroyed by men who are much more powerful and well-resourced than them. I think these lawyers fear that this verdict sends a blaring message that they DO have something to worry about. And as a result, it could turn back the clock on #MeToo, and take us back to a time when many women see far more compelling reasons to stay silent than to come forward.”

~ Julia Jacobs, culture reporter for the New York Times

Last week, when a jury sided with actor Johnny Depp over his ex-wife, Amber Heard, it validated a legal strategy in which the accused turn the tables on their accusers. This now raises the question: If men being accused of sexual assault and abuse can potentially win defamation cases in court, what does this mean for the women who accuse them and the #MeToo movement from here on?

I did not partake in watching the televised Depp V. Heard court proceedings. In general, I am not a big fan of “reality TV,” and have never understood the appeal of what I consider to be the modern day version of Roman Colosseum games, where instead of humans being torn asunder by wild beasts for the entertainment of spectators, human beings simply rip each other apart verbally and metaphorically. No, thank you. I don’t enjoy participating in schadenfreude. Life is too short and precious to waste my time giving energy to endeavors that destroy rather than elevate, and I believe in Karma, so I’m not messing around. Nevertheless, in spite of my aversion to such “entertainment,” I am not an ostrich; so I heard enough of the gossip surrounding this court case through the proverbial grapevine. Some things are just unavoidable.

I happened to be at a friend’s house when the verdict came down on live TV, and as I watched the mob of people outside the courthouse, awaiting the verdict, I felt deeply troubled by the entire circus-like atmosphere. However, it wasn’t until this morning, when I listened to one of my favorite podcasts, The Daily, that I understood why I felt so bothered by all the apparent support Johnny Depp was receiving. Obviously, I was not in that courtroom. I was not on that jury. I am not in any position to say whether Mr. Depp or Ms. Heard was in the right. What I do have experience with is the trauma and terror that domestic abuse can wreak, not only on the victims, but also the witnesses. As a child, I grew up watching my father in drunken rages terrorize my mother. It is not something any child should ever have to experience.

When the #MeToo movement began steamrolling through Hollywood, in particular, I remember hearing men ask, “What took them so long to come out? Why didn’t these women say something at the time of the assault? Why didn’t they just kick the guy in the nuts? Why didn't they report the guy to HR? Why didn’t they go to the doctor, emergency room, or police to report their injuries?”

Let me try to explain some of those reasons:

1. “This is all my fault.”

Like attracts like, water seeks it’s on level – is another way of saying that, generally speaking, an emotionally healthy person will most likely not be attracted to nor attract someone who is not also emotionally healthy. So if a woman ends up in a relationship/marriage with an abuser, she might blame herself and even think on some level that she “deserves” the mistreatment.

2. Not all abuse is sexual or physical. Violence comes in many shapes and some of the most insidious forms are bullying, verbal abuse, intimidation, threats, and gaslighting. And if you don’t have any witnesses, who’s going to believe you?

3. On average, most men are bigger and stronger than women. Our first instinct is self-preservation. Best case scenario, the abuse is only through verbal or intimidation tactics. Worst case scenario, you kill us.

4. Harvey Weinstein's predatory behavior was a well known "secret" in Hollywood, and no one did anything to stop him from attacking women and destroying their careers. Same thing applies to Bill Cosby.

5. Shame. The shame experienced by victims of abuse goes deep and will often prevent them from seeking help from their own family members, much less from law enforcement or anyone in the medical profession.

So yeah, I am worried what this high profile case and verdict will mean for victims of abuse who finally felt emboldened to speak up thanks to #MeToo.

We must always remember that with great change comes great resistance from those who fear that their power is being stripped away. And they will fight tooth and nail to maintain it, as is evident in so many areas of life right now. Gaslighting seems to have replaced baseball as America’s favorite pastime of late.

And to all who are fearful of speaking up for justice and truth, I want to remind you of a favorite quote by former Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Gingsburg, may she rest in peace: “To those accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.”